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Proszę mi tu pomysłami jak z rękawa sypać


#1 2009-04-05 19:06:29

fopp

Taa pięknie, teraz się zacznij udzielać

Zarejestrowany: 2009-01-19
Posty: 1
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SCENARIUSZ ANGIELSKI

Scena I
Hydraulik: (Pełen szczęścia i emocji) Give them an account ! Give them your story ! And Give them a birth !
Lekarze: OF COURSE MY HORSE !
Kobieta: Ladies and Gentlemen! I’m, I’m giving birth!
(Lekarze wyprowadzają kobietę w ciąży za scenę razem z krzesłem ciągle wszystko tanecznym krokiem.
Wychodzi solara w rytm tutyty tutyty.)
Solara: The pregnancy  is loading, please wait!
Hydraulik: Perhaps a small, cliché’d flashback?
Kobieta: Noooo!
(Wychodzi kobieta z krzesełkiem, siatką (ogórki, woda), siada. Muzyka – The Castle Orchestra – Love story theme.)
K: That’s how it started. Or actually, finished.  Good riddance. Which one of you would like to be taller while lying down? Which one of you would like to find a bird’s nest in your navel? Which one of you would like.. a pickle? I would. A pickle. Just one. Don’t I have the right to a pickle? Or two? And before we realized that my lovely belly is alive and tracksuit-ready...eh, be gone S-sizes, welcome XXL’s.
(Podczas tego spicza kobiety w ciąży na scenę wychodzi solara i gapi się z wielkimi oczami w jeden punkt, powoli ciamkając gumę, to takie przejście do sceny 2. Gapi się jak 350. Gdy KWC kończy swoją przemowę, przychodzi czas na solarę.)
Solara: (mierzy ten punkt wzrokiem od góry do dołu) These dishes are soooo lame (tryliard pogardy). Josif! come’n take a lookah!
(Wchodzi Jędruś).
Solara: Useless, aren’t they?
Jędruś: of course they are. I shall’t make nothing out of thee.
Solara: (milion czułości, jest romantycznie, leci wciąż muza love story) You’re right [przytula się jak trza do niego]... Nothing.
(Schodzą przytuleni ze sceny :D)
Kobieta: (śpiew do tej piosnki):
Pregnancy is a fear, but man
The greatest luck fell on me makin’ *bam*
It changed my life, like[lajke] a stock dump
But its not a little teacup, it tortures me more
than... hic cup
(PAŁER, PRZEJŚCIE DO 3 SCENY! Usypuje się piasek)
Hydraulik (szybko) ALL RISE! COURT IS NOW IN SESSION!
Kobieta (wstaje)
Doctor, my head hurts more than a pan
Thaw consumes, and I'm pulling my hair
How to cure it - I want to know
... the aid.. i miss....
(Gdy hydraulik wywołuje że sąd idzie, a kobieta jeszcze śpiewa wszyscy z mózgu opr
ócz czyściciela wchodzą na scenę snując się z opuszczonymi głowami. Kiedy muzyka się wycisza, akcja nabiera tempa.)
Sędzia: I’m opening the case before the district court. The case will judge a political panel charged with the deliberate forgetfulness of things less important. Please bring in the accused.
(Wchodzi hydraulik z oskarżonym.)
Przysięgły1: Guilty!
Przysięgły2: NOT GUILTY!
Oskarżony: OBJECTION ! I have nothing to do with it ! Someone is constantly cleaning out my memory !
Sędzia: Eeee... any cleaners out there?
(Czyściciel wchodzi bardzo niepewnie z mopem na scenę)
Kobieta: But, you know, because of this child, I eat lots of strange things....HOW COME, A SUPERSTITION! YOU’RE A SUPERSTITION YOURSELF ! SUPERSTITION IN YOUR FACE YOU
Czyściciel: Me!
Sędzia: And your name is…?.
Czyściciel: Zack’s Thinking That He’s Super Stition.
Sędzia: Three new pieces of evidence have emerged: How come a superstition, you’re a superstition yourself, and superstition in your face. Any comments Mr. Superstition?
Czyściciel: Me?  Not really... oh maybe but the last three months
Kobieta: A Superstition? You really think so? But which one…. Eh, our health service is really down the drain... I’m eating like 5 of me would, i’m having an emotional yo-yo,  and maybe sclerosis... just because of a superstition?! [A superstition, a cause? Is there any possibility that a reason for a headache would be A SUPERSTITION? If you would have been told – don’t eat after 6, because your head will start hurting, wouldn’t you try eating? I ate, of course. A lot.
Sędzia: Has the jury reached a verdict?
Przysięgły 1 i 2: On the basis of self-accusing testimonials of the witness Zack’s Thinking That He’s Super Stition, we hereby declare the accused Temporal Lobe NOT GUILTY and put all charges on the before mentioned witness, Zack’s Thinking That He’s Super Stition, the penalty being EXILE… INTO THE STOMACK. The verdict is final.
Sędzia: Take the accused Superstition out, please.
(Beknięcie.)
Wszyscy: THE SUPERSTITION... got adopted!

Scena IV
(Wnętrze domu dresa i kobiety w ciąży).
Kobieta: Josif! I need some waters!
Dres: Hmm honey unfortunately the exact location of waters isn’t exactly clear to me, but the hospital should provide such information, they are concerned with pregnancies, aren’t they?
(Dres dopiero teraz wchodzi na scenę, niepewnym krokiem, podnosi telefon, otwiera książkę telefoniczną i wodząc po niej palcem czyta.)
Dres: Emergency, 911. How funny !
(Scenę dresa ściskamy na prawej połowie, a na lewą wysuwa się położna z telefonem. Hydraulik wchodzi i trzyma pioruna.)
Położna: yeah hello how can I help you?
Dres: My wife is pregnant and hungers for things that i can’t provide. Mainly Waters.
Położna: Not so simple. These can be mineral waters, Minnesota’s city of Waters or Roger Waters.
Dres: It doesn’t change the fact that she’s in the dressing room now and she’s straining to get the waters.
Połozna: Whaat? Even just because your partner is straining to get the waters, you should quickly provide her with them, because she can crack under the strain and consequently lose health! Dres: I AM REALLY SORRY, but my wife hasn’t lost ANYTHING but her beauty since the conception.
Położna: Ah there’s an explanation for that, a superstition that... [przerywa jej KWC która siedzi na krzesełku wciąż]
Kobieta: The girl that i have in front of my liver is stealing my beauty. (poirytowanie). Excellent ! In place of one superstition I get another one. If they gave out money like that... or pickles ! Ah those pickles....
Kobieta: Oh and this is how I looked half a year ago... 
Położna: mhmh
Dres: And maybe you have a superstition for waters?
Położna: I’m sorry, but for water i only have cupons, we’ll talk when you come.
Dres: AM COMING !
(Schodzą wszyscy, Kobieta wchodzi na środek sceny).
Kobieta: So old, and so bold.
Kobieta: Which month is it? I don’t know, my calendar rejected cooperation, and i’ve lost my count. I’ve lost my figure as well. i change my Mood more often than underwear. The Strange thing is, Josif still lasts out with me.... 

Scena V
(Wjeżdża taxi, hard rock muza. Za taxi telepie się kobieta w ciąży, potyka się o rozwiązane sznurowadła, na chwilę zatrzymuje się, notuje)
K: Friday, it’s (sprawdza) 12:47, i’m getting a cab.
T: Ayyyeeee my dear?
K: I got some buisness, are ya in?
T:  And what would be my profit?
K: 50 euro should do the work, right?
T: 50 euro? She asks if 50 euro would do the work. Of course my horse. Tell her, that it’ll do. And that her laces she has to tie. Or the jinx will come as thought.
T: It’ll do, but you have to do something for me
K: Ok... but nothing difficult, ok?
T: Tie your shoelaces my friend! or the jinx will come...
K: Smart-ass. Tie your shoelaces or the jinx will come.
K:  What am i to tie? Life is not a shoe... to tie the.... the them...
T:  She said that she won’t tie them. Tell her, if not – then not.
T:  Ma’am!
K: yeah?
T: If not then don’t. Where to?
K: Early 12 please.
T: Aaaaahaaa! When the awe is here, you go to the gynecologist?
K: Taxi-driver. He is a taxidriver. The right to drive he might have, but which is right and where’s his left, he surely doesn’t know. But, I have to arrive at the doctor’s finally, though when I drive I press the pedals with my belly.
K: Mr. taxidriver, how long will it take? I’m scratching your car’s interior with my buttons.
T: We are where you want to be... but there’s no doc... and there won’t be for quite some time...
K: How come, no doc? What’s that (sap sap), Where is he (sap sap), hot heat (sap sap)
T: She says: hot. Lower the window. Nooo... we have air conditioning. Yeah? I wasn’t ever informed.
K: MR CABBIE ! IM GIVING BIRTH MORE THAN WHOEVER WHENEVER ! TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL OR I’LL bear YOU A CAR SEAT !
T: So we go!
K:  You see ladies? Tie your laces, or you’ll end up like i did. And you, gents, tie them as well, because... it looks untidy.




Scena VI
Hydraulik: Of course!
Lekarze: My horse!
Hydraulik: Maybe one clichee flashback?
Wszyscy: Noooo!
(Hydraulik wychodzi zgaszony. Na scenę wychodzi kobieta z mężem, wokoło zbierają się ludzie).
Taksówkarz: Shoelaces
Hydraulik: Jinx
Położna: Beauty
Kobieta w ciąży: Ugliness
Neuron1: Headache
Dres: Yyyy.
Neuron2: Headache
Dres: So, when’s the next child?
Kobieta: Time!

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